私的北欧通信...vol.31

いつも楽しく拝見させていただいてます。
大阪に住んでいるのですが、
今度、東京の友人の家に遊びに行くので、
ぜひとも、ココモＫａｆｆｅに行ってみたくなりました♪

関西でもこの秋、北欧モダンデザイン＆クラフト展が
京都市美術館にやってきます。
今からすごく楽しみです。

また素敵な北欧情報、お待ちしてます～。

あまがえるさん♪
すーーかりお返事がおくれてしまってすみません。。。
もう、東京へはいらしたのでしょうか？
ココモカフェはいかれましたか？
私も、しばらくごぶさたしているので、そろそろ遊びに行きたいなと思います。

北欧モダンデザイン＆クラフト展、よかったですよ！
ぜひ感想きかせてくださいね〜。

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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist � and better tools.

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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Why don't you write books people can read?

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

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Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

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